I’ve been an independent blind woman for more than 10 years when my family and I moved to a town in which I had to sacrifice my independence. This was in 2014, 6 years ago.
I always felt trapped, not being able to do things on my own when living there as nobody believed that I was able to do things for myself and independently at that.
All of my friends at the time, constantly tried reassuring me by saying, “No, you’re not doing so and so independently, but at least you have a friend to keep you company.”
I tried really hard to see it their way, but always felt really sad and misunderstood. All I wanted was to be independent.
I guess, to them, it appeared as if I was just ungrateful for their assistance. However, can I really blame them? Many people have no idea what it is really like to live with a disability and many people also accept things they should not be accepting, sweeping things under the rug.
If they lived my life and walked in my shoes, just for a week, I’m sure that they would have understood.
But, they did not and so, they did not know what it was like to be me and things stayed the same.
I always found myself irritated with these friends of mine but, did not do anything about it for fear of hurting or offending someone’s feelings. I was also shy and did not have as much confidence as I would have liked having at the time.
I lived like that for 5 years. Jumping in with someone when I needed to do shopping, always driving or walking with someone to do almost everything that involved going around to various places.
Now I’m back in my home town.
I’ve ran errands before but never like the one I’m going to run today. I’m going to pick up my kids’ materials for school. I’m also going to Target for a few things. I’m going to have to do this on my own.
I should be happy. I should want my independence back. But I am scared. Really scared.
I used to do everything on my own. It frustrates me that I am feeling so helpless and uncertain.
In the past, my oldest son and I cruised the city like it was a walk in the park. But when I moved in 2014, and stayed there for more than 5 years, I guess I grew used to the convenience of having someone to jump in the car with, and run my errands with me.
I am sitting here now and honestly dreadding this task now. I always thought that when I got the opportunity, I’d run with my independence with no difficulties!!!!!! Now, I’m thinking of any excuse not to run this errand. But nope, school supplies pick up is today, and also today is the last day for me to collect the items from the school.
I have to do this, no matter how scared I am. I mean, I won’t be completely alone. My boys will be there, although it’s advised to leave the kids at home. But one’s got to do what one’s got to do.
I know all this. But something keeps telling me I’m just going to mess up and get us into trouble. Knowing I have to do this, and knowing I’m most likely just over thinking, I will try to push all doubt away, and prepare for my little adventure on the path to independence.
Good luck to me!
